Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in leaveit__behind's LiveJournal:

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Friday, August 15th, 2008
2:00 am	I can't get to sleep!! There are certain things that are bothering me That I used to have tucked away, they always come back, he always comes back, infecting my life with lies and deceit and games. I want it to all be over, finally over. I want to be able to not feel the slightest bit uncomfortable or weird around my new best friend I feel numb (Comment on this)
1:28 am	I have to be up in 4.5 hours. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 11th, 2008
12:41 pm	yo what up I'm at Bree's new apt. spent the night over here and slept like shit!!! fucking chicago ave is so fucking loud at night, I had to get up and go sleep in the damn hallway. ugh. i'm tired. we had a pet squirrel sleeping i nthe tree all cute this morning, her/his name was Merle. I mean Maple Rose. i feel puny lol were listenig to lots of music like NIV (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 10th, 2008
5:20 am	Do, do you, got a first aid kit handy??? Do, do you... It's 4:20 AM! I'm restless! Can't wait to have a car. lord knows I love driving (Comment on this)
Friday, August 8th, 2008
2:57 pm	When I am alone... I just fall apart!! Nothing like losing $75 in bullshit insufficient funds fees to a bank you can't even deposit money to! and then having them be jerks to you on the phone, when they can see that I had overdraft protection with my savings, and NEVER overdrew my account even once. FUCK THAT. did I mention my car just got stolen along with a couple hundred of my tip money. I'M SO NIAVE! I fell apart. I can only be numb and strong for so long. it feels like the hurdles don't give me enough time to jump them and get past at all. I feel I just keep falling into them face first. feel like I should be walking around with a broken face, black eyes, etc. I'm such an idealist, according to my dad. ha And that's funny cause I use it to escape from a bad life, where bad shit does just happen for no reason <-- according to him Life just sucks and is hard and I think the world is close to coming to it's dooming end. Impending doom (Comment on this)
12:12 pm	damn dreams!! I know of course that deep down I have a lot of love to give. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 7th, 2008
11:20 pm	I'm just sitting in corinnas jeep cherokee that she so kindly let me borrow because she's an angel, and I don't want to go. I've been at home all day with no motivation to get up and do anything. nothing came to my mind to do. god will you bless me. my dad asked me once if I prayed for myself. I think I don't really I just feel sorry for myself and expect pity and sympathy and for others to feel sorry for me. what good is that?? I do beg god have been prior to moving here. so I am just trying to take things in stride. I've got two great christian friends to counsel with, and with our hearts open to the lord and what He can and will do in our lives... miracles can happen right. I am having to pick myself up off the ground. find myself in all this mess. keep on trucking. DAMN I wish I had made that thing to go on my back window! WHY. ok. I'm over it. I need to get right and work, and fellowship, and get right with the lord, die to myself, and finish this AMAZING book on finding a blessed, abundant life in the lord and by and for. making right decisions and doing right things. not just things right. (Comment on this)
8:08 pm	i'm so mad? You used to could message a person on ebay who was bidding on the same thing you were. Now you can't. I want to tell this person that I see they have bid on a ton of cars! BACK OFF OF MINE AND LET ME WIN THIS I NEED IT!!!!!!!!! (Comment on this)
1:37 pm	Franosaurus She runs and runs, for two hours, endless hours Then she lays around the next day. I feel like her. (Comment on this)
1:05 pm	hm Dear you, I hope you're dead. or just locked away forever. and in other news: I had the most amazing headache that woke me up at like 4 am, tortured me, and made me almost throw up. I won't be getting out of bed today. And I think I'm excited to start working. Work is my life. =) I had dreams of shitty guys. I <3 my dreams. Cause I can't differentiate between them and real life, lol. I feel... a little [more] lost in life. Like friendship isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm so used to being on my own EDIT:// In the company of shittiness. Guess I... just can't do it. I need. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 5th, 2008
10:17 pm	I feel so tired. I feel like I'm so done trying. sad part is, I wasn't even really trying. if it's going to happen, it will just happen. :/ (Comment on this)
5:27 am	ahahaha. MY take on BLC's Wiki COMPARE WITH WIKIPEDIA PAGE. ==History== Bloodlined Calligraphy, a hardcore/metal band was born out of the ashes of the highly influential Ypsilanti, Michigan band Friction, who had dominated the local scene from 1999 to the early 2000s, the years of which "BLC" should have just remained. Friction had seen many members in its time, however bassist Eric Cargile and drummer Matt Carter were the constants of the foundation. Guitarist Ryan Hampton joined Friction after resigning as drummer of a local band, Nobody's Heroes. After recording Say Hi To the Bad Guy for Selah Records with original vocalist Matthew Fleming, touring schedule conflicts forced them to recruit Ally French, to replace Fleming on vocals. Who are we kidding, Fleming had no range, smokes like a holocaust crematorium, and drinks like it's helping recede the flood waters of Katrina, thus killing all chance of him ever making it as a professional vocalist. Shortly after French joined the band, they were signed to California's Facedown Records, most likely due to HER energetic communication and outspokeness, remember this for later. Around this time original guitarist Joshua Colvin quit, STRIKE ONE BLC, watch out, you only get two more and then you're OUT!!!. Detroit-based guitarist Jay Bowden was with the group for a while during the same period, but never recorded, smart guy, didn't want to be associated with this already shitty resulting band. Shawn Williams joined shortly before recording began on their first record with French, and also was not present in the studio as the controlling "OGs" would not allow him to contribute, thus taking all the credit for themselves of course. BLC's Facedown debut, They Want You Silent, was met with acclaim in 2005. It's too bad it all went downhill from there. Their second full-length LP, aptly titled Ypsilanti, was released in September 2006, but as is the case with the town, no one heard of it or cared. In the fall of 2006, vocalist Ally French left the band to live with her husband(smart move), and drummer Matt Carter decided to leave the band to attend to family(got his priorities right finally!). They were replaced by Ellen Hoffman on vocals and Robbie Coran on drums. Hoffman was a fan, and was recruited via her own inquiry into the band's status, having never played music previously so "she" was pretty horrible but they settled for "her" anyways as they were dessperraate, and Coran had been sought to fill in after Carter's departure, but he too, was horrible. After one tour, Coran parted ways with the band, bet you couldn't see that one coming. Hampton took over on drums temporarily until April 2007, when Chris Norman took over. Poor kid just wanted to play in a band, and if you told him you were a Hindu band, he'd say he was a Hindu, catch my drift? Shawn Williams then left the band in April 2007 to work full time since that would be the only way he'd ever see money in his life to help get himself out of the thousands of dollars of debt the band helped get him into just trying to eat and stay alive. Look up pics of him, skinniest mofo ever!! Poor kid, so that was good news. In late December 2007, as they prepared to write a new record, they came into conflict with Facedown Records regarding recording budgets, and were subsequently released from their contract aka DROPPED from a relatively no-name label for thinking they deserved something they in truth really didn't and everyone in positions of real power knew. Upon hearing this news, Hoffman quit the band to relocate to North Carolina with her family. Apparently a smart move as it's obvious this band can't keep members due to it's insanely dysfunctional nature it undoubtedly refuses to see and instead thrives off placing the blame onto others. After taking several months off to recuperate from these sudden...c'mon, who are you trying to kid, EXPECTED changes, Bloodlined Calligraphy has begun preparing...more like picking up the only shit they have left to cling to... new material and playing shows again if they even make it to them, with plans of releasing a new album in 2009 via home recording program "Garage Band". They really need to change their name though, as to quote the only remaining founding member on multiple occasions "I quit. this band isn't the band I started with my original group of friends." Sad. (Comment on this)
3:49 am	Robbed. again. IT ALL BREAKS IN TIME I can't fuckin sleep. it's insanity. it's always something. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!!! I could just.... die. I wanted to barf. I want it all to go away, not be real. I just want a normal life, for once. please god. what more do I have to suffer. for always? As if it's all just not enough.... Dear DCP- You have ruined my life in your oh so special way, more so than anyone else, and that's saying a lot, not that it was hard to push memories of you away with all the other guys that came into my life and sucked. You just stayed the longest. How could you have been so good, but so wrong?? I've thought things with you I never thought possible. it's disgusting. And when i think I am maybe free of you, you always come back, you never fail, it doesn't make any sense... You force me back to times I wish to have left behind, like most of the rest of my life. It's painfully sad but true. and most of all at times simply un-fucking-believable; nothing should be like this!! And now you have found your way back into my life in the most absurd and sickening way possible. How am I supposed to keep up this charade you thrust me into?? I cannot. I knew from the start. How can I be friends with someone God blessed me with, when it makes me so sick thinking of her being so in love with you and knowing how fucking SKETCHY you are. I can't, I am breaking. "it all breaks in time" I think I will get that tattooed right next to the unfinished one that represents what we will always be. two empty sparrows going in opposite directions, an empty banner, no color, "rushed", and most of all, insignificant. Leave it behind, Dallas. Drive away, leave. You are a deadly disease that spreads as easily as the charm in your confused smile radiates to and out through your lost eyes. Go find yourself before you ruin another VALUABLE FUCKING LIFE (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 26th, 2008
2:59 pm	Something I wrote years and years ago.. .in fact I really don't have a good idea when. I don't care about Physics. I want to be a Forest Ranger. I couldn't tell you why. I don't want to "learn" this mess. Because that is what is all is to me. And I couldn't tell you why. The world is just so huge. No one really has any control. I am one small insignificant person. And I couldn't not tell you why. Maybe I need help. Although I am completely sane. Maybe you or someone could tell me what is wrong with me. Because sometimes I don't know what I get myself into. Why. Maybe a hundred maybes Would never do I can't understand myself, let alone try and explain myself [to you] I am a hopeless cause, Waiting to move on. To see what becomes of me. If anything. Because I feel like I... don't know. But I am in control. But I will tell you one thing. It won't have anything to do with PHYSICS. (Comment on this)
9:42 am	wooo!! First off let me mention that I am not going to reeaaallly miss waking up to having to hearing Dale Jr. and/or Jeff Gordon or WHOEVER practice racin' at 9 AM at the track. damn racin' cars so loud. But now anyways onto the news... Yesterday I got so much stuff done!!! Well, little stuffs, not so much the big packing. I had made my little "To Do" list, and here's what all I accomplished,haha 1. Have no life 2. Wash work uniforms to return 3. Return work uniforms (and say goodbyes) 4. Cash paychecks from a month or something ago 5. Close BOA bank accounts (and eventually call and close BOA credit card) since sadly there are no BOA's in MPLS =/ 6. But I still have TCF!! lawl 7. I'm so silly 8. blah blah blah 9. Took my bike to the bike shop, get crappy customer service, didn't get necessary bike operational items due to aforementioned fact 10. Dropped clothes off at Salvation Army 11. crunched spending numbers 12. Posted on CL (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 25th, 2008
9:19 am	So Today is the day. The day I get a hundred things done so that I can pack up tomorrow and ROLL OUT!!! (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
9:33 am	I could barf I'm so anxious. ha (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
1:42 pm	I will take from you, cause it's what you have to give. Without family, what do you have? (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
11:16 pm	CAR NEEDED A SHOWER TOO I washed my car today, it's so fucking hot. I have brand spankin' new Yokohama sport tires. They're gleamin now, got the Armor All to shine up the stain, oh Missy, try to maintain... I deserve a Gellardo (Comment on this)
9:42 am	I NEED A SHOWER! It's been a lil while since I've woken up feeling like how I did. and then Charlie had to make it worse by snugglin with me sooooo cutely. ugh. (Comment on this)